A cigarette
designed by insightful people, who realized that the last 7 yrs. of life are not worth living anyway. Those are the 7 yrs. you cant make coherent sentences, and you shit yourself constantly.cigarette
cigarette
1. A magic wand used to conjure buses. You can stand there for an hour waiting for your bus to come, but as soon as you light up a fag, it will come round the corner, forcing you to put it out.
2. Something that non-smokers frequently manage to die of cancer without ever using.
3. Something for self-righteous but somewhat timid morons to declaim and campaign against without having to feel like they're going out on a limb.
4. A drug that makes you violent and cuts your IQ in half, damages your liver, frequently causes death on the roads and in homes, destroys careers, lives and families, and costs our country millions every year in lost productivity from people who are too sick to come in to work after using too much of it the night before. Oh no wait, that's beer.
2. Something that non-smokers frequently manage to die of cancer without ever using.
3. Something for self-righteous but somewhat timid morons to declaim and campaign against without having to feel like they're going out on a limb.
4. A drug that makes you violent and cuts your IQ in half, damages your liver, frequently causes death on the roads and in homes, destroys careers, lives and families, and costs our country millions every year in lost productivity from people who are too sick to come in to work after using too much of it the night before. Oh no wait, that's beer.
Example:
Let's see, what shall I spend my time campaigning against? Racism? No... how about religious fundamentalism? Maybe pollution or censorship... Ah, no, I've got it! Cigarettes!
Let's see, what shall I spend my time campaigning against? Racism? No... how about religious fundamentalism? Maybe pollution or censorship... Ah, no, I've got it! Cigarettes!
Cigarette
Cigarette
A cigarette is tobacco that is pre-wrapped. A single cigarette is called a loosie, while a box of cigarettes generally contain 18 cigarettes. Cigarettes contain nicotine, which is a stimulant, relaxant, and cognitive enhancer (although nicotine is generally addictive). The problem is that cigarettes also contain over 600 cancer causing chemicals which can be bad for you when smoked (burned and inhaled). An alternative is called a vape. Vaping is inhaling a vapor with nicotine and glycerin (vegetable glycerol) and propylene glycol. Vaping is at least 95% less dangerous than smoking and, unlike nicotine patches and gum, vape is actually way more effective at helping you quit smoking. The vaping flavors help too. Cigarettes used to be cool, but now vaping is cool. Smoking and vaping is for people 18 years of age or older in some places, 21 years of age or older in other places. It's the chemicals in cigarettes that cause lung cancer, not the nicotine. If you still want to smoke, go ahead, but consider switching to vaping.
Example:
Josh: You should quit smoking Stan. Try vaping!
Tawna: Yeah Stan. Try vaping!
Stan: OK. This is my last cigarette. I will switch to vaping.
*Smokes the last newport cigarette.
*The next day
Stan: *Vapes juul
Josh: Good job Stan!
Tawna: Yeah! Good job!
Josh: You should quit smoking Stan. Try vaping!
Tawna: Yeah Stan. Try vaping!
Stan: OK. This is my last cigarette. I will switch to vaping.
*Smokes the last newport cigarette.
*The next day
Stan: *Vapes juul
Josh: Good job Stan!
Tawna: Yeah! Good job!
cigarettes
Example:
yeah i got yellow teeth, bad breath, one lung, no voicebox, and stage four terminal cancer.
but i don't fucking give a fuck. i'll show you, pass me my fuckin cigarettes.
yeah i got yellow teeth, bad breath, one lung, no voicebox, and stage four terminal cancer.
but i don't fucking give a fuck. i'll show you, pass me my fuckin cigarettes.
cigarette
Tobacco, rolled in a paper. Then smoked. Most of the time contains a filter. Cigarettes kill you. I love them. I love the way they smell, I love the way they taste, I love the way they feel. They will kill me and I am fine with that. If you don't love them, don't smoke and shut the fuck up.
cigarette
The most blessed item on earth (other than beer and sex). People who smoke pay more taxes therefore we are patriotic. Cigarettes are usually found with a filter. People who don't smoke should invest in a filter, bitches. God knows, I would never smoke without one. In today's modern society, smokers are a rare breed of people who could give two shits about health, yellow skin, and stinky clothes because we realize that cough medicine is good, it'll help you get better. Soap will make your skin a normal color, and for God's sake, if your clothes stink, then wash them. And ater all, your gonna die someday, and who the hell wants to be old with wrinkly balls and a penis that no longer works? I will most likley never quit smoking because...
A) It is my civic duty to put into our government system.
2) I'm not a big fan of old people, don't wanna become one.
C) It pisses people off something fierce.
Next) Beer does not reach it's maximum potential in taste without the wonderful taste of a Camel Light.
5) I want to die of something of my choosing, when I get lung caner, the doctors will put me on so much pain medication that I will not notice that the copious amounts of blood that I am coughing out have put my cigarette out.
F) Shit, the movie stars do it.
Times To Smoke:
-When stressed
-After sex
-While drinking
-After waking up
-Before going to sleep
-While playing poker
-While bored
-While on smoke break
-Before meals
-After meals
-When driving
-When drowsy
-When drunk
-When confused
-While deep in thought
-When around others who smoke
-When writing this definition
-When scared
-When nervous
-When around people who DON'T smoke
-When doing laundry (i.e. stinky clothes)
-Upon buying a new pack
-When introducing yourself
-When you are living life to it's fullest
-When living fast and dying young
-When drinking coffee
-When coughing
-While watching a movie
-When angry
-After class
These are just a few good reasons and times to smoke. If you do not like smoking, do not smoke. If you do not like cigarette smoke, get a filter. If you don't like smokers, don't date them. And for fuck's sake, DON'T i repeat, DON'T tell a smoker that smoking is bad, we already know and furthermore...we don't care.
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A) It is my civic duty to put into our government system.
2) I'm not a big fan of old people, don't wanna become one.
C) It pisses people off something fierce.
Next) Beer does not reach it's maximum potential in taste without the wonderful taste of a Camel Light.
5) I want to die of something of my choosing, when I get lung caner, the doctors will put me on so much pain medication that I will not notice that the copious amounts of blood that I am coughing out have put my cigarette out.
F) Shit, the movie stars do it.
Times To Smoke:
-When stressed
-After sex
-While drinking
-After waking up
-Before going to sleep
-While playing poker
-While bored
-While on smoke break
-Before meals
-After meals
-When driving
-When drowsy
-When drunk
-When confused
-While deep in thought
-When around others who smoke
-When writing this definition
-When scared
-When nervous
-When around people who DON'T smoke
-When doing laundry (i.e. stinky clothes)
-Upon buying a new pack
-When introducing yourself
-When you are living life to it's fullest
-When living fast and dying young
-When drinking coffee
-When coughing
-While watching a movie
-When angry
-After class
These are just a few good reasons and times to smoke. If you do not like smoking, do not smoke. If you do not like cigarette smoke, get a filter. If you don't like smokers, don't date them. And for fuck's sake, DON'T i repeat, DON'T tell a smoker that smoking is bad, we already know and furthermore...we don't care.
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Example:
Johnny Non-smoker: "You know, smoking is bad for your health."
Me: "OH MY FUCKING GOD, THANK FUCKING CHRIST, YOU SAVED ME, I HAD NO IDEA THAT IT WAS BAD FOR MY HEALTH, I'm so glad that a person such as yourself has come into my life and saved me from the dangers of cigarettes. You are truley a blessed person."
Johnny Non-Smoker: "Well, man, I thought it was just the right thing to do."
Me: "Oh wait, I forgot, I could give two shits, I hope you die of second hand smoke. Where the fuck is my lighter?"
Johnny Non-smoker: "You know, smoking is bad for your health."
Me: "OH MY FUCKING GOD, THANK FUCKING CHRIST, YOU SAVED ME, I HAD NO IDEA THAT IT WAS BAD FOR MY HEALTH, I'm so glad that a person such as yourself has come into my life and saved me from the dangers of cigarettes. You are truley a blessed person."
Johnny Non-Smoker: "Well, man, I thought it was just the right thing to do."
Me: "Oh wait, I forgot, I could give two shits, I hope you die of second hand smoke. Where the fuck is my lighter?"