Chav

One hormonal teenage boy, dressed up in fake Adidas and Argos jewellery with a pregnant girlfriend who turned 12 last week. Typically living in a council house in Croydon, with yobbish mates who like to hang around outside McDonald's and mug old ladies for entertainment.There you have the epitome of a chav.



Chav
A sub-human species, often thought to be descended from fish, due to their tiny memories and 'gawping' facial expressions.
The average chav spends most of his time, when not hammered or pretending to be 'hard', drinking, teaching his 4 chidren about the 'honourable' ways of the chav, and generally being a nuisance. It is though there may be a plot to try and take over the world, which would explain their huge breeding, but they will lack sobriety when attacking. If you ever meet a chav, you should take on step towards him and he'll run screaming to his (pregnant) girlfriend.
Example:
http://www.picsearch.com/search.cgi?q=chav&cols=5&thumbs=20&t=EOucWresLicaFLFlPL%252B%252Fiw7b%252BgVdv4VYXI5aY%252BDEBD8%253D


Chav
Stereotypically:

(1)Wears jewellery from Argos
(2)Has a pregnant girlfriend, aged 14
(3)Will punch anyone, especially if they are just minding their own business
(4)Socialise outside of McDonald's, shouting at 10-year-olds that pass in the street
(5)Have their own language and slang
(6)Live on council estates
(7)Wear Adidas, Nike etc. Not the 'real' stuff, cheap rip-offs from a market stall.
(8)Can usually be found with a can of lager in one hand and a cigarette in the other
(9)Uneducated, with no ability to read or write
(10)The bane of society

Though stereotypes may divide us, we are all united in hating chavs.
Example:
(1)
Mikey: Look at this class sovereign ring! An' the gold scratches off it yer wannit to be silver!

(2)
Dave: Banged up Bex, now she's got her fifth on the way.
Steve: How old is she?
Dave: 12 next month.

(3)
Steve: What 'chu lookin' at? Bring it!
*Scared stranger hurries away, avoiding eye contact*
(4)Mikey: Wanna go out to town?
Dave: Maccy's?
Mikey: Yeh.

(5)
Mikey: Innit, blud.

(6)
Self-explanatory

(7)
Mikey: Got meself some Adidas an' Nike off the market stall. Innit.

(8)
Dave: Yeh, yer startin'?

(9)
Steve: Err, yeh, mmmh *grunts*

(10)
Two chavs decide to have a drinking contest, but both collaspe from alcohol poisoning and eventually die in hospital. Who won? Society.


Chav
Oh, my! A twelve year-old girl wearing a t-shirt proclaiming her status as a ‘slut’. How tasteful. Mother would be so proud…
Is she..? Yes, she is! A Chavette! Sorry, didn’t spot it quickly enough – forgive me, I’m blind.

Here are a few clues for Chav-spotters:

Girls (Chavettes, Sengas):
- Bling, and lots of it.
- Hoop earrings you could drive a bus through
- Hair pulled back so tight as to provide a facial expression of constant surprise
- At least three children trailing
- Smoking a fag – a little white stick poking out of your mouth really does make you look TERRIBLY sophisticated, dear…
- Talking on a mobile
- Wearing a variety of coins/Christmas cracker rings on fingers
- Cow-eyed look in eyes
- Skin as white as death, with blue tinges here and there (occasional purple and yellow ones too, from constant spousal abuse) and a red nose from smoking/drinking too much
- Skirt pulled up to just below the hair-line (please God don’t EVER let it get any higher)
- Fat Chavettes – without exception - sport tight, too-short tops that would put even the hardiest person off their meal, and trousers that expose a crack minging enough to put a plumber to shame
- Throws litter/gum/cigarette butts onto the pavement/bus floor

Boys
- Baseball caps on (but probably don’t know what baseball is)
- Hair so short it could pop balloons
- Fewer teeth than a Shanghai hobo
- Tiny, skinny frame laden with heavy fake-gold
- Cheap nylon track-suits
- Smoking a fag (of course) and spitting at passers-by
- Usually found sitting on the top of a park bench or a wall in the town centre
- Ears near the back of their necks, a particularly endearing genetic malformation
- Always mock-fighting with fellow Chavs, possibly to intimidate onlookers
- In vehicles that are horribly unroadworthy, and which generally have no engine. The booming bass from the shite they listen to provides enough momentum

Classless, no-mannered, ugly, aggressive, incredibly stupid wastes of flesh. They need to be lined up and shot.
Example:
They’ve contaminated the gene-pool. Quick – deploy the napalm!


Chav
Closest thing to a human dog.

They tend to walk in packs consisting of a few males and one bitch (usually for mating). If given eye contact they will take it as a challenge and defend themselves using a knife (also known as shank). Their diet consists of cheap food and cider/beer which they got from benefits.
Fur colour ranges from dark to light tracksuits with a flat peak, gold collar and gay ass trainers. Mode of transport is normally a shitty little car which they think is 'sick'. They communicate with one another through loud, annoying music and by using words such as 'safe, innit, narrrr mate! and wot ya saying blud?' most of the time this is hard to distinguish.

Highly aggressive-avoid at all cost.
Example:
search around dark, poor areas and street corners, you will find plenty of chavs for examples


Chav
Humanoid in appearance, but primative and animalistic in nature, chavs are fast becoming the bane of humanity. Now all but classified as a completely seperate species, chavs took the left of the fork on the road of evolution when everybody else went right. Today, chavs can be seen in almost every urban area of Britain. Easily identified by either their baseball caps, hooped sports sweaters, excess Burberry and impossibly colourful Nike trainers (male) or scraped back frizzy hair, earrings you could train a dolphin to jump through, cheap leggings and Reebok Classics (female), chavs hunt in packs. Unlike other species, chavs hunt for cigarettes and bus fare instead of food. Food is always obtained at fast food establishments such as McDonalds, or convenience stores (Spar, Late Shop). It is quite common for food to be thrown instead of eaten, with the chav preferring his / her fags and cider / Lambrini (charver cava). Chavs are normally hostile towards humans, particularly those who favour alternative music, whom they have branded "moshers" or "grungers". A chav's music collection is limited. Hip-hop and hardcore for the males, Britney and trance for the females. Dogs (the more volatile, the better), mobile phones, cheap or fake gold and "souped-up" (debadged) 1990's Vauxhall Novas are must-have accessories. Note: the above description typifies the average chav, but there are actually quite a few varieties. Be sure to look for them at any of the following locations: McDonalds, Burger King, Spar, Late Shop, Primark, TK-Maxx, any sportswear retailer or any local park (after 6pm). Examples of a chav's primative vocabulary are as follows:
Example:
Chav: Eeyar yo! Mosha! Gotta spare cig?
Brian: No, I don't smoke.
Chav: Wha' ya mean no, ya f*kin' mosha? Ah spark ya!
Brian: Go on then...
Chav: Yo Trace! (emerging from Mothercare) Pass us me mob so I can fone ya bruv!
Trace: Why, ya f*kin dick'ed?
Chav: So he can tune diss chav for me!
Trace: Got no credit, yo!
Trace's baby:
Trace: Shut it ya little fucka!


Chav
The Chav is a rare breed of imbecile who communicate to each other through incomprehensible grunts.
They can usually only be fully understood by other Chav's and will rarely acknowledge anybody in a friendly manner out of their own 'crew' with anything other than a firm nod and the occasional "rate" as if to ask the recipient if they are "alright today".
Example:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Females Chavs:

Insist on wearing giant hoop earrings of a colossal size made out of some cheap gold equivalent that turns their skin green.
Their necks accommodate the dreaded "Sovereign" necklace with an engraved picture of someone that they actually know nothing about.
They like to wear velvet tracksuits consisting of pastel shades usually with some kind of untrue motif on the back stating something like "Princess Forever".
They have not done their make up correctly unless their face is a ghastly shade of orange which makes them look like they've been spawned by two Umpa-Lumpa's from Mr Wonka's chocolate factory.
- - - - -
Their hair is usually one of three styles:

1/. Scraped back into a ridiculously tight pony tail and secured with 10 thousand scrunchies.
that went out with the Spice Girls. They then finish the common female 'Charver Barnett' by using 5 cans of cheap sticky hair spray to turn their fringes into a rock.
- - - - -
2/. They sometimes claim to have gone to Tony & Guy for a hair cut even though everyone around them knows that they are a crappy liar because of 2 things:

a/. Their Dole money won't cover a hair cut in that place unless their kids are fed on 9 pence baked beans out of the tin.. AGAIN.

b/. Their hair looks like they used the bathroom bleach on it religiously everyday for the past year. It resembles the straw from Farmer Briggs field that they walk past on their way to the Post Office to cash in their Dole Giros.
- - - - -
3/. As flat as a 5 year old's chest with nasty cheap highlights in.. Clearly they wait until they acquire a little sun and then drench their hair with lemon juice and wait for the awful Halloween horror effect to set in.
- - - - -
Female Chav's have adopted the habit of getting Medusa's (a kind of lip piercing) only instead of wearing nice little silver balls they think it looks attractive to wear whopping great faux gold ones that look like nasty spots pussing.
Of course they have to put up any spots/zits they receive as Boots the Chemist finally wised up to bottles of Oxy going missing and finally added store alarms.
They qualify for free things like achne specialist stuff but the doctors got so tired of the constant visits from the 18 year old mother with 5 children that they got kicked off the panel.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Male Chavs:

Usually find it 'cool' and 'hard' to wear a small gold hoop in their ear or sometimes a small 'blinging' diamond.
They wear huge, thick fake gold chains as if trying to pull off that 'Mr T' look.
They too, are fond of wearing tracksuits like their female counter-parts only it is of major significance that the sport name logo or trade mark is showing to demonstrate to OTHER Chav's how much of their 'well ace' Dole was spent this month.
- - - - -
Their hair is usually one of two styles:

1/. The classic skin head 'I'm well hard' look.. Sometimes sporting some kind of bizarre shaven lines in random patterns forming their favourite football team or the Addias symbol etc..
- - - - -
2/. Short and with lot's of 45 pence gel spiking it up.
- - - - -
Male Chav's like to adorn themselves with anything that they think might have the ability to make them look toughened.
A fine example of this is the way they tilt their caps (usually burberry) to a high angle as they believe this increases their style of trying to be obdurate.
It actually just makes them look like a twat although they are too dense to see this.
They are very competitive in the world of racing other Chav's in seeing who can keep their trainers in the most immaculate 'Snow White' condition, or who can show the most Adidas stripes.
It is of uber importance that their tracky bottoms are tucked into their socks as some kind of social trade mark of acceptance within the Chav mainstream.
You will usually hear them say something a long the lines of "Wot da fook u lukin at" and "Ya fookin startin? I wil bang yaz out innit"
This normally translates to "Excuse me friend, but are your eyes appearing in my general direction? I would very much like you to avert them as I am terribly afraid of anything 'different'.." and "Although you have actually said nothing, I perceive a slight movement from your head as a signal for me to open my mouth and utter wasteful words upon you. I will not actually physically assault you myself, what I actually mean is I will round up 10 of my cretinous buddies and I will let them intimidate you and do my donkey work for me".
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So yes, I conclude that the 'Chav' is just an uninformed, unintellectual waste of human life.
They continue to produce more offspring which will grow up to be as simple-minded as the previous futile generation. They will grow to be Dole fodder or if they're lucky.. Maybe acquire work in a fast food place. FOREVER.
Their aspirations and dreams consist only of purchasing the next ugly gold chain from the market or buying more cigarettes from the local corner shop.

They cost us time, tax and tears yet do not show any thanks except only to waste more of our time and so-forth. Anything that is remotely 'different' to them or considered as being a 'minority' is automatically WRONG in their eyes.
They are ignorant and close-minded because they lack the capacity to understand anything else beyond their own moronic world.

They are NOTHING.

..End..
Source


Chav
Chav - Sub species of human

Commonly thought to be of inferior intellect, the Chavette surprises us with its cunning plan to avoid taking up a professional career and provide itself with free accommodation supplied by tax payers by spawning multi coloured mini chavs at a early stage in life, usually mid teens.
Clearly recognisable by their distinctive tribal Burberry they congregate in town centres and on street corners, Chavs have a reputation of being creative with public property and motor vehicles, building themselves Chaviots out of mechcano sets and strip lighting, and providing us with humorous banta written on toilet walls like ‘Shit’ and ‘Tasha woz ere’ in an attempt to relieve our boredom while urinating.
Their language is a basic form of English thus avoiding any words they cannot spell or pronounce, even to the extent of creating new words only they know the meaning of.
Hunting in large groups Chavs will single out the weakest, smallest prey and attack it without mercy avoiding any personal injury and insuring victory.
Chavs unfortunately don't yet fall into the category of rodent and in effect cannot be bludgeoned to death under the guise of pest control. Darn!-
I think I speak for everyone when I say thank you Chavs for the great contribution you’ve made to this country, you’ve made it what it what it is today – a shit hole.
Example:
also see: Burdon on society.


Chav
A species that constantly talks about erections e.g ' ah mert your hard' and has a particular fancy to beef and enjoys to be 'in it'
Example:
Chav


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