English
a language that lurks in dark alleys, beats up other languages and rifles through their pockets for spare vocabulary
English
Either means the people of England or a sadly mangled language. Once belonging to the Germanic Anglo-Saxons, the language has since become influenced by scores of other languages, slowly destroying the English language and its structure and rules.
Shanty (From Gaelic "Sean taigh"("old house")), galore (from Gaelic "gu leòr" ("enough")), whiskey (from Gaelic "uisge" ("water")), hamburger (from "Hamburg steak"), flower (from French "fleur", itself from Latin "flor"), bloom (from German "blum" ("flower")) and countless other words from so many other languages have, for better or worse, steeped into English.
Shanty (From Gaelic "Sean taigh"("old house")), galore (from Gaelic "gu leòr" ("enough")), whiskey (from Gaelic "uisge" ("water")), hamburger (from "Hamburg steak"), flower (from French "fleur", itself from Latin "flor"), bloom (from German "blum" ("flower")) and countless other words from so many other languages have, for better or worse, steeped into English.
Example:
"Let’s face it: English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England or french fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day an cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?
Now I know why I flunked my English. It’s not my fault; the silly language doesn’t quite know whether it’s coming or going." -Richard Lederer.
"Let’s face it: English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England or french fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day an cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?
Now I know why I flunked my English. It’s not my fault; the silly language doesn’t quite know whether it’s coming or going." -Richard Lederer.
English
Language used by Boomers so ignorant Gamers won't know what their grandparents are talking about. Usually words that contain more than one syllable and spelled correctly when written with pen and paper - secret tools that Gamers don't recognize. This language is known to a few Gamers that have an IQ over 89 which is only about 5% of Video Turds. A legend in Boomer history says that sometimes a Zoomer will scream out an English word as they beat off.
Example:
Hey, let's talk in English when we get some this afternoon so our grandson won't know we're having sex instead of taking a nap.
Hey, let's talk in English when we get some this afternoon so our grandson won't know we're having sex instead of taking a nap.
English
English
Example:
Bush's rape of the English language:
"They misunderestimated me."
"Education is my top priority. However, education is not my top priotrity."
"Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better. "
Bush's rape of the English language:
"They misunderestimated me."
"Education is my top priority. However, education is not my top priotrity."
"Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better. "
English
A. The main language spoken in the British Isles, the USA, Canada and Australia.
B. A person who comes from England. There are 4 main types of English person:
1. The Posh Nob
The steroetypical english person who died out in the 1800s. Typically seen as well spoken, wearing a bowler hat and moustache, and swiping away poor people with his cane.
2. The Farmer
Typical of most rural places in England. Normally an overweight middle-aged man wearing dirty overalls and a straw hat. Most common phrases are "Ooo-ar!" and any swearword concievable. Not as gentle as they look.
3. The Chav
A growing breed of English person. Loud, aggressive, obsessed with their looks and becoming a 'gangsta'. Normal IQ is about 31. Reproduces at an alarming rate.
4. The Non-English English Person
That asian bloke who runs the Off-Licence.
For any American readers there is an easy way to tell the difference between the English, Irish, Scottish and Welsh. This is vital if you wish to tour the UK in one piece:
1. Irish people get drunk and fight each other.
2. English people get drunk and shag each other.
3. Welsh people get drunk and shag sheep.
4. Scottish people get drunk and fight each other. Then they sober up and continue to fight each other.
B. A person who comes from England. There are 4 main types of English person:
1. The Posh Nob
The steroetypical english person who died out in the 1800s. Typically seen as well spoken, wearing a bowler hat and moustache, and swiping away poor people with his cane.
2. The Farmer
Typical of most rural places in England. Normally an overweight middle-aged man wearing dirty overalls and a straw hat. Most common phrases are "Ooo-ar!" and any swearword concievable. Not as gentle as they look.
3. The Chav
A growing breed of English person. Loud, aggressive, obsessed with their looks and becoming a 'gangsta'. Normal IQ is about 31. Reproduces at an alarming rate.
4. The Non-English English Person
That asian bloke who runs the Off-Licence.
For any American readers there is an easy way to tell the difference between the English, Irish, Scottish and Welsh. This is vital if you wish to tour the UK in one piece:
1. Irish people get drunk and fight each other.
2. English people get drunk and shag each other.
3. Welsh people get drunk and shag sheep.
4. Scottish people get drunk and fight each other. Then they sober up and continue to fight each other.
Example:
English Type 1. "I say ol' chap, that's just not on - what what?"
English Type 2. "'Ere, I 'eard them fucking Polish are movin' down ar way . . ."
English Type 3. "Yerwot M8?! Come over 'er and say that yer fuckin' wanker!"
English Type 4. The non-American version of Apu from the Simpsons.
English Type 1. "I say ol' chap, that's just not on - what what?"
English Type 2. "'Ere, I 'eard them fucking Polish are movin' down ar way . . ."
English Type 3. "Yerwot M8?! Come over 'er and say that yer fuckin' wanker!"
English Type 4. The non-American version of Apu from the Simpsons.
English
1. A quirky little langauge that you wont have a chance of understanding unless you jump in with both feet. English often makes little sense when anylised but is certainly fun none the less, and which by some ungodly reason managed to spread to pretty much most of the world.
2. An even quirkier group of people that can do things downright eccentric, flamboyant or outragous and still maintain their dignity. A group of people that have ministries not departments, tea not coffie and an accent renouned in most of the world. An englishman has a natural born ability of self depreciation, a complex sense of humour (with a 'u'), and a brilliant cricket team (just dont tell the australians that). The english are also rather renouned for complaining about the weather or lack-there-of.
2. An even quirkier group of people that can do things downright eccentric, flamboyant or outragous and still maintain their dignity. A group of people that have ministries not departments, tea not coffie and an accent renouned in most of the world. An englishman has a natural born ability of self depreciation, a complex sense of humour (with a 'u'), and a brilliant cricket team (just dont tell the australians that). The english are also rather renouned for complaining about the weather or lack-there-of.
Example:
1. It's not color, its colour, and they're not cookies, they're biscuits!
2. A: Oh my gosh is'nt the weather just awefull
B: 'isnt'?, use proper english sir.
B: Oh so sorry, but we still won the cricket
A: So we did, how absolutly spiffing!
B: Oh do pass the tea
A: There you go, biscuits?
1. It's not color, its colour, and they're not cookies, they're biscuits!
2. A: Oh my gosh is'nt the weather just awefull
B: 'isnt'?, use proper english sir.
B: Oh so sorry, but we still won the cricket
A: So we did, how absolutly spiffing!
B: Oh do pass the tea
A: There you go, biscuits?
English
Example:
"Here in America where we speak English people like to vocalise their opinions, nowhatimsayin..."
"Pardon? Vocalise? That means to make sounds without language, you know, like parrots and babies".
"Really?"
"Yeah. Did you mean 'give voice to' or something like that?".
"Dunno. Maybe. You got a dictionary?"
"I think you mean 'do I have a dictionary', why yes, I have. I will now get it."
"Ooooh, I'm so excited, I can't wait, no really I can't wait, bye".
"Here in America where we speak English people like to vocalise their opinions, nowhatimsayin..."
"Pardon? Vocalise? That means to make sounds without language, you know, like parrots and babies".
"Really?"
"Yeah. Did you mean 'give voice to' or something like that?".
"Dunno. Maybe. You got a dictionary?"
"I think you mean 'do I have a dictionary', why yes, I have. I will now get it."
"Ooooh, I'm so excited, I can't wait, no really I can't wait, bye".
English
Example: