1. A poorly formatted league with the dumbest fans and dumbest officials that makes it the worst sport ever. It's consisted of 162 long tedious games with no time limit, whereas the "postseason" only lasts about a week long. The objective of the game is to
hit a ball with a bat and guide your fellow Dominicans to home plate without getting out. But the real objective is to make the most money than any other player. Players are allowed to create buzz by talking trash,
being a distraction, juicing up, and any other idiotic actions to attract the media.
2. "America's favorite past time".
3. "The Dominican Republic and
Puerto Rico's favorite present time".
4. A sports league made up of 29 teams and one over-dramatic news tycoon (
NYY).
5. An overrated drama queen of a sport. They care so much that
Bud Selig pays ESPN to cover the MLB 24/7, even during the offseason. Whenever ESPN doesn't highlight any games, they whine like little bitches about the Yankees, the Red Sox, the Mets, Manny Ramirez, Ozzie
Guillen, steroid scandals, retired players in investigations, and any other bullshit they can think of.
6. A method to make a load of money by barely doing anything at all. Such notable activities include standing on a grass field, sitting in a dugout, running 90 feet, running 10 feet to grab the baseball, standing on a small white bag, doing a couple of silly movements to throw the ball really fast to a teammate standing just 50 feet away, and many many more
adrenalating activities. Of course, those other players don't get much money for running back and forth every play trying to swerve past other guys and lob the ball in an orange ring, or trying to carry the ball for about 300 feet at the expense that you get knocked down every play. Sure, I believe you.
Example:
1.
The MLB sucks.
2. US Citizen: I used to like
the MLB. Wow, was I such a stupid, stupid kid.
3. Islander: Like baseball is our religion! Every day we go to the church to pray to Babe Ruth.
4. Yankee fan: The Yankees are the best team EVER! Like they land all the good players and shit, and I'm oblivious to why that is. But I heard they are all great in bed, according to ESPN, so that must make them great players!
5. ESPN anchor: Did you know that there are 5 pitchers that
homered in a 1-0 game? Just how stupid is this stat?! Nawmally good!
This just in, Sportscenter ratings sink 100% after covering their 30th straight hour on
A-Rod's personal crisis.
6. Derek Jeter: LOL Hockey sucks! Even though I won't last three minutes in an ice rink. I have no penis.