Saugerties
A small township in Ulster County, New York.Affectionately referred to by the locals as a shithole and other endearing terms. The inhabitants have a number of discerning qualities that don't really make them stick out from most small American towns, but are worth noting in any case.1. Saugertisians have an uncanny knack for being anally conformist; indeed, the general population can be divided into seven groups: chavs,
aging hipsters, "scene" kids, hicks, teenybopping harlots, more aging hipsters, and roughly normal people who just can't wait to get out. A large percentage of the "nonconformists" wear the same clothing and tell the same jokes as all the other "rebels," because it's common knowledge that one must quote
Charlie the Unicorn and shop at Hot Topic if one REALLY wants to be different.2. They're also infectiously stupid. Example: Come check out our
brand-new track at the high school...built to semi-obsolete specs. Now we're stuck with it for 50 years. Cheers!3. To pick out a local, look for any of these traits: Fauxhawks and/or shitty mohawks. Anything from Hot Topic, as mentioned.
Do-rags. Greasy/poorly styled/unskillfully dyed hair (check all that apply). Anything pertaining to a
chavish look or manner, despite the fact that chavs are a British
pestilence. Thick layers of makeup on the ladies resulting in the look of a geisha dancer. T-shirts fronting obscure bands that nobody has ever heard of, or with ironic slogans that were funny
a decade ago. Clouds of
spray-on deodorant that you can smell a mile off but fail to conceal the reek of cannabis. Massive hoop earrings you could stick your head through. Basketball shorts or sweats. "Handbags" that are bigger than the women carrying them. Expensive and shitty "snowboarding" gear that is about as useful for snow sports as a salami is useful for self-defense. Chains, spikes and studs of all varieties, bonus if they're not actually metal.4. There are no nice cars in Saugerties. That is a popular misconception. Excluding the local
car show, the only vehicles to be found are tractors, rusty pickups, minivans, and assorted hideously painted/decalled monsters that might once have been
decent-looking. The drivers either amuse themselves by picking their noses while negotiating hairpin turns and
black ice at Mach One, or drive excruciatingly slowly, forcing everyone behind them to slow to a crawl.5. In the school system, a newcomer can occasionally find the rare group of - dare I say - cool individuals, who will gladly shelter them and provide some measure of relief from
the daily grind. You are blessed if you encounter such a group, for they are few and far between.6. Tourists. If it exists, they will come. Really. People drive two hours north from New York City to "look at the beautiful foliage" and the "picturesque mountains"? Give me a break of the fucking Kit Kat bar. Why do they come here? Nobody knows. In any case, it makes the situation more aggravating over the weekends and holidays, for in addition to the standard
Hudson Valley fare (scum), one has to put up with the snobby big-city bourgeoisie as well. Some even buy summer homes! O.O7. If the message hasn't got through yet....stay away from this unholy
den of iniquity. Saugerties is not your friend.
Saugerties
by soulsofmischief93 on Jul 29, 2009 14:23:57
A place where mostly everyone in the town (unless your a scumbag or a hick) will admit to
Woodstock and Kingston being better. Many are jealous of schools like
Onteora and Kingston because they have a wider range of people who come from other places besides FUCKIN'
SAUGERTIES. Everyone seems completely isolated from echother at the highschool. Smoking weed (which is completely accepted in Woodstock by stereotypes of all kinds) is seen as a scumbag activity due to the botards who are always near the trail
Example:
Myself: "Look at that nasty chick with the hoop earings rocking an ICP shirt. Why can't Saugerties have decent girls?"
Friend from Saugerties: "I have no idea dude, i'm ready to get the fuck out of here in about 2 years. Goddamn trailer trash"
Myself: "I wish i could walk through Saugerties without looking at a
botard posted up at every corner. Don't these kids have better shit to do or is doing bad dye jobs and smoking Marlboros there life?"
Myself to friend who lives in
Woodstock: "Wow dude your school is already having dope parties in
10th grade with cools who are actually decent human beings? How was the one last night?"
Friend: "It was sick, like 40 people from my school went. Definately a good night"
Myself to friend who lives in Woodstock "Damn man, at
SHS your lucky to find 3 people partying together"