crochet

The art of making tablecloths, doilies, afghans, blankets out of yarn. Similar to knitting but with only 1 "needle" called a crochet hook.



crochet
something slut buckets do to pass their miserable, pointless hours. a time-consuming, life-wasting endeavor. often passed off as a "creative" activity. boring, stupid, kill yourself right now. (i'm kidding)
Example:
1. No, I'm sorry, I can't go to the Bob Dylan concert with you because I've gotta stay home and crochet. I'm way behind.

2. Dude, where's my crochet hook?

3. Get yo' bitch ass off da phone and back to crochetin'!

4. Oh my God, I didn't know Michael Stipe was gay. I'm gonna go home and crochet.

5. My grandmother sits outside the Cracker Barrel and crochets and yells at kids and she hates them because they're young and she remembers when she was young and how much more interesting her life was back then.



crochet
The process of tying knots to tie more knots to further tie knots, therefor making a scarf.
Example:
I wasted a lot of time making a scarf using crochet.


Crocheting
Really just another way of saying you are going to do absolutely nothing for the next three hours besides gossiping and eating some chocolate scones with some righteous chocolate macadamia nut tea.
Example:
In a year of going to the crochet group there were maybe three minutes of crocheting between talking about the sociopathic raging cuntrag/supermoms who claimed they were friends while scarfing scones, cookies, truffles and drinking an entire pot of chocolate macadamia nut tea.

Good times!

Person 1:"What did you work on at crocheting group???"
Person 2:"A desert plate!"


crochet-ming
The act of someone with skills in the art of crochet applying a high level of scrutiny to the work of others, mainly knitters, but occasionally fellow crocheters, or the product produced by these people.
Example:
Wife: Look at her sorry excuse for a slouchy hat. The stitch is wrong, the pattern is bad, the wrong hook size was used and the yarn is acrylic.

Me: You're crochet-ming again.


Rainbow Crochet
Must have 5+ gay male participants.

An act wherein the males form a line, and the person farthest from the front starts pushing his hardened length in each already fucked butthole. Once he reaches the front of the line, it starts all over again with the person who is now at the back of the line.
Example:
Bro. We had the best rainbow crochet last night. Come with next time. *wink*


crocheted bathtub
Used as an analogy when describing something useless or not worth having.
Example:
"Latin was dead! It was about as useless to the common man, the majority of the populous, as the proverbial crocheted bathtub..."
“Looks like you win the crocheted bathtub.”


Crocheting Cock
when a dude alternates from ya ass to ya mouth consistently
Example:
Top: "hey best friend ever what freaky shit u wanna do with me???"
Bottom: "dude wanna crochet that cock from my ass to my mouth big man?"
dude in the corner: "aw hell yeah theyre doing the Crocheting Cock!"


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