knowles

to get laid several times in one night.



Harry Knowles
A semi-famous, very fat corrupt internet movie reviewer who is nowhere near as famous or powerful as he once was. He still gets to live a dream life of being paid to endorse things, being sent comp DVDs and God knows what else, and being flown around the world to visit sets in order to entice him to review things positively so that nerds may spend money on them. His resume includes such hits as turning a blind eye to a contributor selling bootleg Disney movies (who was later busted), praising a script that was actually written by another contributor, and posting (wrong) Oscar nominees hacked from a home computer. Married an Asian chick 15 years younger than him presumably both blessed and cursed by vision problems and a unique condition enabling her to support two tuns of lust whenever the mood strikes the corpulent Casanova. Also is blessed with outspoken opinions on politics, despite having no idea on how the real world works having lived/living with his dad way past an acceptable age and not having an actual job or a degree.
Example:
Studio Exec: So, what do you think about Godzilla?

Harry Knowles: It kinda sucked.

Studio Exec: How would you like a visit to our movie shoot in Maui and for us to throw your boy Moriarty a bone?

Harry Knowles: Did I say sucked? I mean it was like drinking chocolate-coated pussy juice!

Studio Exec: ...right.


Ethan Knowles
Ethan Knowles aka 'The Fat Cunt of Walney' is known for his sheer size of a whopping 50 Stone! He can usually be found on the 'courts' on North Walney or in the bushes bumming Paige Ramsey, with his 1 inch weapon. (Sometimes even Tianna Clark and Chardonay get amongst it with them)

Ethans' master is a man known as 'FRESHHH Dave' aka 'Cracking Pluurr', Ethan follows all of Daves' commands no matter what. One of the commands Ethan has recently completed for his master is reporting ApianDig (who is an absolute mad lad) on XBOX. Ethan also broke his hand trying to fist Paige. Oh.. and also a common misconception with Ethan is his penis is often mistaken for a cocktail sausage, hence why it was bit off by his dog.
Example:
Ethan Knowles is fat.


Beyonce Knowles
"Sasha Fierce's" alter ego. Very pretty and enormously popular but only modestly gifted R&B singer whose sole unique talent is infuriating legitimate R&B divas of the previous generation.
Example:
Beyonce Knowles got all Sasha Fierce when she went to return a Value Meal at McDonalds and the girls at the counter laughed at her.


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