lawyer

A white guy you pay to convince the judge/jury that you didn't do it.



lawyer
A student in the laws of a sovereign body. To become a lawyer one must study the basics of the law for a specified period than pass a difficult proficiency examination.
Example:
To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the
rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our
pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person
that has read the inside of the top of the box. I think one of the fun things
for them is to say, "objection." "Objection! Objection, your Honor."
Objection, of course, is the adult version of, "Fraid not." To which the judge
can say two things, he can say, "overruled" which is the adult version of "Fraid
so," or he could say, "sustained," which is the adult version of "Duh."
- Jerry Seinfeld


lawyer
A zealous advocate acting as an agent for a client. The duty to the client is a fiduciary duty, the highest duty the law can impose. As a result of this duty a lawyer is required to obtain extensive knowledge of the law along with a high level of legal research and analysis skills. Another result of the fiduciary duty is that the attorney must act in the client's best interest regardless of personal interests or moral objections. The lawyer must use any tool given by the law to ensure the most attractive outcome for the client, including technicalities and vague language.
Example:
Lawyers are often criticized for the duties they are bound to uphold. Lawyers are also criticized for following poorly written laws that they are bound to follow, created by the legislative branch of government, which represents the people.

Lawyers are the people's most important defense against governmental and private intrusions on personal and property rights.

Lawyers knowledge of the law makes abuse of their duties especially dangerous to a society that relies on them.


lawyer
A person who knows about the law, the loopholes in the law, and the Constitution (the Constitution has no loopholes), and will use any and all of the above to get you out of whatever stupid ass mess that your stupid ass got you into. You will love this person, until you pay them, when you will hate them, but at least you will be out of jail, unless you lost. A lawyer typically is an unhappy looking nerd typing on a blackberry, unless they work for the government, in which case they are harder to pinpoint.
Example:
Marc: Look at that lawyer, he scares me shitless with his knowledge of the law and the Constitution

Anne: What are you talking about, lawyers are just like us

Marc: What are you, on drugs?

Anne: (Hours later, after coming off high) Yes, I was. The cops arrested me for possession. I have to call my lawyer now



lawyer
A soon-to-be politician.
Example:


lawyer
A moral/intellectual mercenary. A lawyer will align himself to any cause, and will say anything regardless of truth and logic, provided it makes him money. It falls to lawyers to imprison the innocent and free the guilty.

The job is lower than prostitution.
Example:
Lawyer: "My client cannot commit murder, he is insane!"


lawyer
An individual who studies the legal system and then applies what he has learned according to his best interests completely absent of moral accountability for these actions. These objectives are achieved by manipulation of ambiguous rules and exploitation of technicalities while the individual is protected by claims or a moral/ethical duty to zealously advocate his or her client's position.
In other words, one who uses the legal system to his or her advantage without having to feel guilty about the results of his actions. For example, the most applauded/rich defense attorneys are not rewarded for seeing that justice is done, but by insuring that it is not.
Example:
A lawyer is like a porn star. They're either going to fuck you or get you off.


lawyer
A person expert in the rules of government that give structure to a society. Often useful and a requirement of modern life. In the US the number of lawyers has proliferated beyond all reasonable need and they often collude to make work for each other (see: Congress). Have a bad reputation due to overly exhorbitant fees and a number of highly publicized cases where a lawyer does not serve his client properly.
Example:
My wife fell and broke her arm in the supermarket because they left a trap door open. I guess I'll need a lawyer.

Some lawyer befriended my grandmother and got her to change her will on her death bed cutting off the charities she was going to leave her estate to and leave it to him instead.


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