the snorks

past tense form of the verb “snork” which means to spit a jackfruit seed into a tuba from the balcony of the Metropolitan Opera (Needless to say, this term doesn’t see a whole lot of foot traffic.)It was ‘96 when a crazy Aussie from Poowong North, Vic was challenged by his mates to spit a melon seed into a tuba from the balcony of the Metropolitan Opera on his upcoming junket to NYC. After practicing for weeks, spitting into a bucket from a eucalyptus tree, he asked for one allowance. The melon seed didn’t have sufficient heft to go the estimated distance. He was granted the use of a jackfruit seed. He then honed his skill until he had the precision of a sniper, “one shot, one kill”. On the night of the event, he and his wife (referee) took their seats nearest the stage on the third balcony. He sat through Giordano’s “Andrea Chenier” biding his time, waiting for just the right moment to do the deed and slink off into the night without being caught. The moment came at the very end of the performance when the audience cheered in appreciation for the talents of Pavarotti. He hurled that jackfruit seed with all the power he could generate from his manbag and then doubled over in a feigned hacking fit to disguise his action while his wife followed it to its intended target…and bingo! There have been no other “known” attempts. “Snorking” was never used until his triumphant return to Poowong North when one of his mates coined the term while fumbling through a toast in his honor.