Lung Cancer

My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. This is my confession. If you're watching this tape, I'm probably dead, murdered by my brother-in-law Hank Schrader. Hank has been building a meth empire for over a year now and using me as his chemist. Shortly after my 50th birthday, Hank came to me with a rather, shocking proposition. He asked that I use my chemistry knowledge to cook methamphetamine, which he would then sell using his connections in the drug world. Connections that he made through his career with the DEA. I was... astounded, I... I always thought that Hank was a very moral man and I was... thrown, confused, but I was also particularly vulnerable at the time, something he knew and took advantage of. I was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. Hank took me on a ride along, and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make.



lung cancer
A hideous, excruciating, horrible disease that an unlucky 20% of smokers will contract in their lifetime. Inability to breathe, vomiting, and having to use a bedpan are symptoms in later stages
Example:
Lung cancer


Tibetian Lung Cancer
A disease that is easy to recover from, but tends to have lasting side effects. Some of the negative effects of TLC can include a painfully large inflation of the ego (which can be cured by large doses of humility). Also, TLC tends to cause allergies to losing. (which can result in anaphylaxis)
Example:
Sally: *coughcoughEGOcoughcough*
Bob: My ego is hereditary.
Sally: No, I think you've just survived Tibetian Lung Cancer !!


Lung Asthma Cancer
Guy 1: Dude! I'm dying...
Guy 2: I don't care unless it's of something major
Guy 1: Dude! Lung Asthma Cance- *GASP!!!!!*-r
Guy 2: Is that even a thing?
Guy 1: *Currently twitching on the floor* ;-;
Guy 2: Should I cal 911? Oh wait...
Example:
Dude why are you gasping so much? You ok?

No... I have lung asthma cancer ;-;


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