psychotherapy

an incredibly expensive process whereby you end up talking more about yourself than you ever thought possible, while learning virtually nothing and becoming increasingly entrenched in your skewed view of reality... or, if it works (which it sometimes does!) a sublime experience of subtle revelation, insight and healing that enables you to be a fuller, happier human who moves more freely through the world than you ever thought possible...



psychotherapy
A process in which you discuss your personal problems with a "psychotherapist\" who is unable to do anything about it. Not to be confused with psychiatry, in which you're given prescription medications in hope that your life improves.
Example:
Don't pay attention to anything you hear about psychotherapy -- IT DOESN'T WORK!!!


Massage Psychotherapy
is a healing modality which works on physical pain by identifying and understanding the emotional pain that manifested the physical symptoms. Massage Psychotherapists incorporate therapeutic massage on resting facial expressions and body posture to work on repressed emotions. MPTs see the body, mind and spirit as a whole. They look at pain simply as some type of resistance to reality. MPTs are highly trained in medical massage and charge on average $180 per an hour session.
Example:
Who would have known that Massage Psychotherapy could fix her resting b*tch face?


Psychotherapy
The goal is to make things better... But only when Jordan Peterson feels like it... And only in a way that HE HIMSELF approves of... Even if 70% of his colleagues disagree...
Example:
Hym "Psychotherapy is fun because you get to pay a guy to write you into his book that sells for 1 million dollars."


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