Gonzales

Pretty much the baddest person on the planet. Inventor of such classics as CUMB and LQTM. Runs roughshod on all schmohawks he encounters. Will rough up a chick if she wants it and maybe accidently if she doesn't. Oh yeah, has a huge penis and very nice balls.



Gonzales
A city in Ascension Parish which is OBVIOUSLY in Louisiana. It is located near Baton Rouge, the capitol of Louisiana. Gonzales is the Jambalaya Capitol of the WORLD! It is about an hour away from New Orleans.
Population:

1970 4,512
1980 6,891
1990 7,003
1994 8,565
1999 8,648
2006 8,899
2007 9,633
Example:
Let's go to Gonzales.


The Gonzales
The Gonzales is an advanced sexual maneuver named after its founder Mr P. Gonzales. It involves the "woman" figure in the relationship to be strapped down forcefully, and held captive (of course just acting, rather than reality) for a period of some days. The woman figure is forcefully fed from a nutrient tube, or nutrient dildo from which he/she must slowly suck all that they will live on for a period of unknown proportion. The mixture must incorporate the required nutrients for life of course, along with small traces of semen, slowly increasing over the period. The semen should be that of the sexual partner's in order to heighten the sense of intimacy. The maneuver is best performed strapped to a chair, and their should be some form of inflatable dildo underneath that inflates at key moments during the sexual acts, either into the vagina, or rectum if it should be a male in the chair. "The Gonzales" usually lasts roughly 4-5 days, and can be performed with either a man or woman, though P.Gonzales' preference is a male to share his (what some would call sick) fantasies with. P.Gonzales has a doctorate in alternate sexual fetishes from Oxford University, London, and is a world renowned professor on the subject. This maneuver should not be performed by the feint of heart, and P.Gonzales' in-depth guide should be consulted on his website, which includes information on many more moves, this being his signature move, hence its name "The Gonzales".
Example:
Hey ross, you wanna go bak to mine tonight and perform "The Gonzales" for a few days?


Danny Gonzales
Danny Gonzales is a youtuber, singer, songwriter and legal pumpkin. He is also the head of the cul- I mean... army, Greg.
Example:
Human: Do you watch Danny Gonzales?
Other Human: OMG yes! I AM GREG!


Sloppy Gonzales
Disgusting but effective bathroom prank. The Sloppy Gonzales is performed by wiping your ass on toilet paper after a particularly messy shit and using it to flush the toilet before disposing of it in the bowl. Also effective on sink faucets as well. A perfect companion piece to the greasy pablo and the upper decker.
Example:
As I proceeded to take a wicked shit at the party, some rude guy kept pounding on the door and telling me to "hurry the fuck up," so I left the asshole a Sloppy Gonzales before departing.


Alberto Gonzales
Sychophantic former White House counsel, later appointed by President Bush to be Attorney General of the United States. He is notable for being perhaps the country's only AG who has so completely and consistently disregarded the Constitution and Bill of Rights. Alberto Gonzales is infamous for stonewalling Congressional oversight and investigative meetings by repeatedly dodging pointed questions by saying "that's classified." His dismissal of concerns about illegal wiretapping and illegal extraordinary rendition makes him widely regarded as the worst AG in history.
Example:
A secret 2002 Justice Department memorandum cleared by Alberto Gonzales argued that laws prohibiting torture do "not apply to the president's detention and interrogation of enemy combatants", and that the pain caused by interrogation must include "injury such as death, organ failure, or serious impairment of body functions — in order to constitute torture." - Wikipedia


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