charva's Definition| Urban Word Dictionary

charva's

These strange species can seem perfectly harmless until they are placed in their natural habitat. If there is a silverbacked charva who is superior to everyone as he has the latest Scooter album, the other charvas will form a protective ring around him. These scourge plague the streets of most cities, but most of all Newcastle. The male of the species will have short spiked hair, and will pretend their voice is deep years before it has broken, which appears to be an effective mating call. The female of the species will wear truckloads of makeup and huge (often plastic) earrings the size of the millennium wheel. If temperatures are below -5 degrees C, they will feel inclined to wear a mini skirt which barely covers their hips (see also: Micro Skirt) When the male and female of the species meet, the male will put on a burbry cap to seem more attractive. Within an hour the two will have engaged in unprotected sex and whoops!...there goes another teenage pregnancy, another scum bag to pay for in our taxes! Charvas will also force themselves to start smoking at the age of about 12, which is a sign that they are "Hard" or "Belter". Any human verbal interaction with these vermin will result in an absolutely moronic response such as "Hew man you fucking daft cunt!" when asked to rephrase their inadequately worded statement, the same, only slightly more angry response is thrown at you. No other 'race' other than their own is acceptable. Any goths, punks, skaters or grungies are renamed to "tree huggers" or "hippys". They do not have the brain cells to understand that they are infact the worst scourge of this planet! Lastly, they will start fights with anybody that's smaller than them, to try and make themselves feel highly superior, and to try and impress the opposite sex. The long long list could go on forever. To sum it up, these spangle stained hooligans are a dire example of Darwin's "Survival of the fittest" and are a complete waste of space, carbon lifeform, and tax payers money!

charva

by wildthing on Jun 30, 2004 02:20:44

A charva (sngl) is a person that has a very low IQ, a very limited vocabulary and a very low status on the social ladder of the United Kingdom. Charvers (pl)originally from the North East reigon of England (eg Newcastle, Sunderland & Middlesbrough) plague the streets of these cities in large groups as it it the only way for them to gather any remote intelligence of their species as indivaidual charvers only have a fraction of a brain-cell within them.

This inferior species of mankind are set in the ways of trying to destroy themselves by taking drugs, drinking cheap alchol such as cider, by smoking. Charvers also put the lives of other people at stake as well as the have a habit of stealing cars (particularly old models of nissans and fords as well as transit vans) and driving them at unsafe velocities until the crash which then causes their inferior minds to contemplate setting the car or van alight as they believe it is a good idea and fun.

Should you run into a charva or a group of charvers (otherwise known as a crew) you are likely to be asked a question in the language of the charva that is almost impossible to understand. At the most a charva may be able to make a barley co-herient sentence such as "Lens 'is a tab" or " Hu you think ur lukin at, ye want bangin out"

Charvers dispise anyone who shows any signs of individuality. They can only tolerate being around people who dress like them. The typical charver clothing consists of a horizontally striped fred perry jumper, tracksuit bottoms, over priced hiking boots named rockports and overpriced waterproof coats called berghaus's.

Should you come across any of these poor, socially retarded, exuses of human beings it is recommended that you do not make eye contact and that you walk away as if they detect any eye contact between you and them they will look to pick a fight with you.

Example:
The view on charvers in many north eastern cities of the UK is that they are a waste of time, space, money and resources and that they only exist as a plague of todays modern day society.

charva

by lol pmsl lmfao on Jun 01, 2004 19:13:47

charvas are a bunch of radgies that do nowt except drink bella, smoke small quantities of cannabis (they claim it's much more) and walk round thinkin' thjey're great coz they wear top label gear (all stolen). thay also think "new monkey" tunes are mint, when it's quite obvious that it's all shite

Example:
"here, have u hord the new monkey tape from friday neet?"

Charva

by anti-charve on Mar 07, 2004 06:59:59

charvas are a group/ kind of people. they like to get pissed, say fuck, get pregnant and do anything illegal. charvas have no brains and many cannot count to 10. they stop at number 9 because that's the amount of children they have had by the age of 15. as you have probably already read, charvas like to wear "trackie b's" "rockie b's" and the ever popular tog 24 coats. most charvas die at the age of 32 due to lung cancer, (their own fault for starting smoking at the age of 11) charvas often hang around in large groups because that way they feel "hard" the only thing that's hard is a charva boys you know what when he sees a charva girl in her skin tight jeans with a bottle of cider in her hand. shazzam, a baby charva is made. charva babies are the worst babies. they are the kind of children who will be amazed at a plank of wood for hours, oh, just like dad. as you may have already noticed, i hate charvas. however, if you are a charva you probably hadn't noticed because you are all a bunch of thick shits who deserve to be shot! thank you for making my high school years a misery! (note to charvas: i was being sarcastic) that word says sarcastic. repeat after me sar-ca-s-tic. now go and tell your mammy you learnt a new word, how was her 17th birthday?!

Example:
charva sayings:
"wot yee fuckin lookin at yee fuckin cunt?"
"how"
"who fucks like a fish?"
"will you tie mee shoe lace for is... how?"

charva

by evelyn waughfare on Nov 30, 2003 04:42:55

In-depth definition, PART ONE:
CHARVA - Noun, usually the name given to the swine-hordes of unwanted bastard children who make up approximately one quarter of the native Newcastle population. The word is constructed through the corruption of the term CHARmless VAgrant. Their numbers are maintained by the inbreeding of charvae at approx 14 years old, which results in accidental pregnancy and produces the next generation of unloved barking cabbages. Because of the rapidly shrinking gene-pool that creates charvae, vital DNA-codes are being lost and quality is being dumped in favour of quantity. The prospects of being taught to use their brains, of being educated, of making a contribution to history, of earning money, of learning at least one skill, of manipulating their environment, of producing art or of ever being possessed of self-esteem are woefully low and this means that we all feel a strong pathos for charva under-fives. The charva learning curve is actually unique in the whole world, peaking as it does at 6 years old. This is mirrored in their physical development, which hits a ceiling of about 5 feet 5 inches for males and 4 feet 9 inches for charvettes, occasionally delivering us a towering giant of 5 foot 10. If they reach 14, then the whole cycle will repeat itself in an ever-growing downward spiral. Because of this accelerated procreation rate, charva girls are actually beginning to be BORN pregnant.

Example:
'Charva girls are actually beginning to be BORN pregnant.

charva

by Jamie on Apr 14, 2003 05:48:48

Primarily originated in the NE of England esp. Newcastle, the charva occupies the bottom rung of the social ladder, characterised by a love of garish sportswear, cheap jewelry and Dyson hoovers. Houses chacracterized by wallpaper stripey on top, flowery on bottom, separated by dado rail, with a ceiling fan. Toon Army wallpaper in bedroom. Tasteless but expensive sofa, widescreen TV and DVD on 20 year credit. Citrus coloured toaster and kettle. Holiday in Tenerife. Profoundly inarticulate.

Example:
How pet, there`s two charvas in the back lane. Fetch us me gun, will yu?

charva

by evelyn waughfare on Nov 30, 2003 04:44:29

In-depth definition, PART TWO:
Charvae are distinct in physicality even when naked, because of their lank, gaunt, slight appearance and the look of borrowed flesh, hanging slightly loose from their bones due to their peculiar dietary habits, which lead to acute malnourishment. This gives their skin a kind of thin, translucent quality and what charvae might think of as their six-pack is actually their lower rib-cage, lending them a particularly whippet-like form. Charvae posture while clothed is still conspicuous and features numerous defects - bandy legs, bent backs and an ugly asymmetric swagger when in motion, due to one hand of the male being down their shell-suit bottoms and the hands of the female constantly pulling theirs up. The charva food-cupboard that sustains these frail bodies
comprises tinned hot-dogs, baked beans, pasta'n'sauce (for the posher ones) and may even stretch to a packet of dairylea, all bought in mountainous bulk on giro day from Netto (or maybe Morrisons if they're walking home). The charva attitude to food seems to be 'if it doesn't come in a tin, its bad for you', while fresh vegetables and fruit are considered to be 'for nonces'. White cider is the chosen beverage, which is taken several times a day at intervals, with class B drugs for added interest. Celebratory splash-out meals are had from time to time, when charvae 'get raj' at McDonalds then get mortal drunk on a fine wine, such as Lambrini, at about 2 o'clock in the afternoon. This is often the time when both male and female charvae will piss in a crowded shopping street; it is also when the males will exhibit their tiny genital sets for supposed comic effect, only to be met with a sympathetic silence.

Example:
The charva attitude to food seems to be 'if it doesn't come in a tin, its bad for you'

charva

by evelyn waughfare on Nov 30, 2003 04:58:48

In-depth definition, PART NINE:
Charvae should not be mistaken for Geordies, who are a noble, radical and propsperous people. Neither should they be mixed up with other poor or low-income people in general, or with well-meaning people with learning difficulties who try their best. Charvism is in fact a very distinct form of social disease and a good way to imagine charvae if you do not live in Newcastle is to think of remedials from school, then imagine them interbreeding in class rather than learning to read. Testament to the other Geordies' will to help lift charvae above their wretched, hopeless status was the wonderful 'Let's take a charva much, much farva' campaign of 2001, which helped to raise over £63,000 for this unfortunate forgotten group. The campaign would still persist today with the famous 'HELP A CHARVA TODAY - THEY CAN'T HELP THEMSELVES' t-shirts, but all of the kindly donated money was pissed up the wall paying for tabs, pizza and SKY once it had been chored from the campaign headquarters by charvae.
The best way to upset a charva is to laugh at their poor clothes and unfortunate looks and the best way to destroy one is either to get them beaten up by a homosexual Goth in front of a laughing crowd of children, to paint 'nonce' right across the front of their house or to post their addresses in airports as havens for asylum seekers. The ultimate fate of all charvae is to be left on Earth to devolve back into the Dark Ages of random low-tech warfare, while the rest of humanity takes to the stars.
Despite being the pathetic, doomed, non-achieving cracker-spawn of multiple generations of unwanted children, charvae do have value, as they are walking, breathing examples of the importance of birth control.

Example:
A good way to imagine a charva if you haven't seen one is to think of remedials from school, then imagine them interbreeding in class rather than learning to read

charva

by evelyn waughfare on Nov 30, 2003 04:48:48

In-depth definition, PART FIVE:
The language of charvae has bewildered linguists the world over, as no-one has been able to identify its roots. It seems to consist of a constant nasal whine that sounds like 'aaaaaa', which occasionally morphs into approximations of existing English words delivered in an extended manner, very much akin to Siberian throat-singing but with an undertone of suppressed rancour. A variation of this is the machine-gun-like delivery that accompanies an amphetamine session that often features the endless repetition of the words 'proper', 'how', 'ch', 'here, man', 'shan' and 'hollible'. The usage of these amusing jazz words by non-charvae is a source of constant chagrin to the charva

Example:
The language of the charva has bewildered linguists the world over.

charva

by Fisher on Sep 22, 2003 20:45:38

An intellectually inferior specimen often found in large herds, or parliaments, on street corners swigging cider or other cheap, alcoholic beverages accross Newcastle and the North East. Can be identified by horizontally striped (hooped) jumper, burbery cap and obscenely overpriced Rockport boots. Are racist, homophobic, and fearful of any person or persons with an intellect surpassing that of a pencil. Express fear and feelings of inadequacy through violent outbursts, normally aimed at innocent passers by. Favourite pastimes consist of drinking cider, smoking, harassing members of the public, taking drugs, shoplifting, signing on, and burning cars. Thay have a limited vocabulary which mainly consists of phrases somewhere along the lines of:- "Lend,s a taaaab", "Got ennie Shnout" and "Hu the FUCK you lucking at". Particularly inarticulate. Highest concerntrations can be found inhabitting the council estates of Newcastle. When left to their own devices, they breed.

Example:
Fucking charva bastards!

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