helpdesk

a place where the nhs keeps me.like a monkey doing tricks with remote support for the brainless masses.



helpdesk
We fix the things all the stupid fools with computers break
Example:
I don't understand how to operate my computer yet want it to do things that are impossible with the software I'm using. I know! I'll call the Helpdesk and make them do it for me!


helpdesk
A place where tortured people speak to incompetent fools, swearing at them after pressing the "Mute" button.
Example:
Type "SMTP" like "Sam Michael Tom Peter"

SMPT?


helpdesk
A place where teams of people gloss over the glaring inadequacies (mis-spelt) of the company they work for and get paid for it.
Example:
I wish to sell my bottom! - what better place than on the helpdesk. Fuck my corporate ass.


Helpdesk
The infested rectum of a dead camel, where legions of undying techs are forced to provide support to the brainless masses. There only reprive being the mute button and the occasional 'actual' retard calling up providing entertainment
Example:
Helpdesk = Hell = Infested rectum of a dead camel


Helpdesk fishing
Were you log a call and assign it to a group not knowing whether it should of gone there in the first place (due to lack of knowledge/total guess). You log the call and cast it into the 2nd line group waiting for a bite (for them to kick up a fuss)...
Example:
Hmm just put that call into Cra040 support...wonder if thats the right place..oh well cast away let the helpdesk fishing begin.


helpdesk hillbilly
a member of a social gathering or work colleague who is mentally unstable and has the tendancy to explode without warning.
A cider drinking unhinged work colleague who lives with every living member of his family and resembles a cast member from deliverance. Also mumbles to himself and sits redfaced awaiting his chance to jump into action as a fully fledged psycho
Example:
i phoned the helpdesk the other day and some helpdesk hillbilly kept me on the line talking s**t, playing his banjo and whispering to his dead relatives ashes he keeps on his desk in little jars.



Bangalore Helpdesk
A help or support desk located offshore in India, consisting of ordinary people provided a manual for providing fixes, but have no knowledge otherwise. An offshore support line where ordinary non-skilled workers read off a script to provide support.
Example:
Hambali used create sabrys, now he works the Bangalore Helpdesk. I called the Bangalore Helpdesk, and they told me to do the needful and reboot my computer. Satin Slipper used to work on the Bangalore Helpdesk, but he used to send too many needful rocket when he was frustrated.


Himalayan Helpdesk
An off-shore, remote technical or other customer service center, usually third-party to the company it serves and located in India or elsewhere in the eastern world, whose agentsā€˜ language barriers and lack of sufficient cultural familiarity make for egregiously poor service.
Example:
I explained to the Himalayan helpdesk agent that my brand new Dell laptop exploded when I plugged it in. He responded in a thick eastern accent, "Yes, yes, I see the trouble you are having today Mr. Jake, and I am sorry, but I will be more than happy today to assist with this. Have you tried, first, restarting the computer?"


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