Towel

A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santranginus V, inhaling the beady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the Ravenouse Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mind-bogglingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you--daft as a brush, but very very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough. Often associated with hitchhikers. See hoopy and frood.



Towel
A random, obscure comeback when nothing else can be thought of. First used by South Park character Towely.
Example:
"Sir. We can't accept your application on account of...well...you're a towel."

"Uhh...uhm...you're a towel..."


Towel
Contrary to the other dumbass definitions of towel, a towel is someone so fucking useless that they would be better off as a towel.
Example:
Person 1: Dan forgot to grab the tickets yesterday!
Person 2: what a god damn towel


Towel
The most useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value - you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini raft down the slow heavy river Moth; wet it for use in hand-to- hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal ; you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.

More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitch hiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have "lost". What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is is clearly a man to be reckoned with."
Example:
If you want to survive out here, you've got to know where your towel is.

guy running away He's got a TOWEL!


Towel
Something that you squirt your hot, sticky jizz in after you masturbate. Better than a tissue as its bigger and catches more of the sperm. Heating it up a little before hand creates an even better sensation for your penis.

Look up Fap Shorts for similar uses.
Example:
I was wanking off after a sweaty session at the gym looking at hot women. My sweat was a great lubricant for my dick and I jizzed all over. Lucky I had a warm towel at hand to squirt it on.


Towel
An individual (mainly male) that exemplifies all of the qualities of an annoying, suck-upping, over-the-top, loser and menace to society that can only be dealt with by repetitively calling that person a towel. Often associated with the name, Drew.
Example:
Towel.


Towel
Towel (n.) Named after the worst character ever created on South Park, “towel” refers to a person who is perpetually strung out on a certain prohibited substance whose active ingredient is THC. Said person is also uncooperative and enjoys spewing racial epithets and homophobic slurs. Synonymous with a female cleaning product.
Example:
Man, that guy is totally a towel.
__
Bob:

"Yo, dudebroski, wanna go check out some chicks at the club?"
Charles:
"Aw hell naw, man, don't be a towel."
Bob:
"Yo, who you calling a towel, you tool?"
... (Continue on with more insults)


Towel
Something to wipe or cover yo booty around.
Also hides them big ass bums and bouncy tits.

..

Although better without the towel on.
Example:
Wife : Honey, have you seen my towel ? My butt is getting cold !
Husband : I like you better without the towel, heh.
Wife : Ohhh(;
Wife : -Smack-
Husband : -Pwned-


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