captain obvious
A phrase quite obviously inspired by John Madden. Contrary to popular belief, Captain Obvious is capable of flying but is afraid to, so he drives around the country in an RV, constantly on the lookout for blatantly obvious things to explain to the general public.
Example:
Buffalo trails New England by three at the two minute warning. When we return, that means Buffalo will have two minutes left to try to score. A field goal will tie the game. A touchdown will put Buffalo ahead. If Buffalo scores with any time left on the clock, New England will have a chance to score. If Buffalo kicks a field goal, a field goal will be enough for New England to win the game. If Buffalo scores a touchdown, New England will need a touchdown to win the game. Unless Buffalo misses the extra point, in which case New England can tie the game with a field goal following Buffalo's field goal. Of course, any time remaining will give Buffalo another chance to score and go ahead. Oh, and I've talked for so long that the game is now over. I don't think Buffalo scored. Now if you'll excuse me I need to attend to my, "ahem", other civic duties by driving around the country in my ridiculous RV, alerting the American public that gas costs more than it did last year, there are 50 stars on the U.S. flag (same as the number of states!!), Bill Clinton had a fling with an intern IN THE OVAL OFFICE, and I am the most colossal jackass in the history of RV-driving douchebags ever to announce pro football games on a level far below the intelectual capacity of a first trimester fetus conceived via incest. Until next Monday Night, with Al Michaels, this is Captain Obvious.
Buffalo trails New England by three at the two minute warning. When we return, that means Buffalo will have two minutes left to try to score. A field goal will tie the game. A touchdown will put Buffalo ahead. If Buffalo scores with any time left on the clock, New England will have a chance to score. If Buffalo kicks a field goal, a field goal will be enough for New England to win the game. If Buffalo scores a touchdown, New England will need a touchdown to win the game. Unless Buffalo misses the extra point, in which case New England can tie the game with a field goal following Buffalo's field goal. Of course, any time remaining will give Buffalo another chance to score and go ahead. Oh, and I've talked for so long that the game is now over. I don't think Buffalo scored. Now if you'll excuse me I need to attend to my, "ahem", other civic duties by driving around the country in my ridiculous RV, alerting the American public that gas costs more than it did last year, there are 50 stars on the U.S. flag (same as the number of states!!), Bill Clinton had a fling with an intern IN THE OVAL OFFICE, and I am the most colossal jackass in the history of RV-driving douchebags ever to announce pro football games on a level far below the intelectual capacity of a first trimester fetus conceived via incest. Until next Monday Night, with Al Michaels, this is Captain Obvious.