pitchforking

Christians have the Bible.Jews have the Torah.Muslims have the Koran.Hipsters who are between the ages of 20-30 and claim to live in Williamsburg (but who really still live with their mom in Queens) have Pitchfork Media.



pitchfork
Also known as Pitchfork Media. A pretentious, elitist, hype-mongering, trend-obsessed piece of shit website that specializes in "independent music".

Known for giving gushing reviews to anything that sounds remotely obscure. Even if the music itself actually sucks. No, wait, ESPECIALLY if the music itself actually sucks.

Too bad it only exists in online format or else I'd wipe my ass with their sorry excuses for reviews.

Also, all too appropriately, every hipster's holy grail.
Example:
HIPSTER: Hey did you see Pitchfork's review of the new animal collective? It got a 9.6, so it's obviously one of the quintessential albums of the decade.

MUSIC FAN: I think I'd rather listen to Tool's "Lateralus"

HIPSTER: Psshh, lame!! pitchfork only gave that album a 1.9. Tool obviously sucks to anyone with taste in music

MUSIC FAN: Riight. But you obviously have amazing taste since you base your opinions entirely off of Pitchfork's numerical rating system. Way to go douche bag.


pitchfork
a device used to anal-probe self-righteous pricks who pretend they created all of the bands they listen to and have never considered another's opinion on anything.
Example:
Get off your defensive high horse, fan boy; I will pitchfork ya!


Pitchfork
Pitchfork is an abbreviation for pitchforkmedia.com, which is an online magazine devoted mostly to coverage of independent music. The website, updated daily, centers upon 5 reviews of new albums, 4 to 6 newsposts, and 2 to 4 reviews of singles. While Pitchfork is known for its brutal honesty, it cannot properly be said that it isn't biased in a huge way. However, it is definite that Pitchfork is something that can be trusted for people with a taste for indie music.
Example:
I'm tripping shrooms, perhaps now would be a good time to go read Pitchfork for the first time.


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