deep sea diving

To go down on a woman (give her oral sex).



deep sea dive
Refers to the idea of holding one's breath while under water. Usually takes place when a woman goes down on a male (or even if a male goes down on male). While she is diving, the receiver simply pinches the nose of the one doing the job. This usually leads to lack of oxygen, purple faces, and good laughs with your bouddies.
Example:
While performing oral sex on his boyfriend, rod was tricked into a deep sea dive.

Rashad was charged with sexual assault after his girlfriend told police he made her do a deep sea dive against her will.


Deep sea diving
Having to retrieve a tampon after sex. Consisting of squatting and retrieving the tampon with your fingers. Usually there is a moment of panic when you believe it is too far to reach.
Example:
I decided to have sex on my period but had to go deep sea diving afterward.


Pre-Emptive Deep-Sea Diving
Pre-Emptive Deep-Sea Diving is when, after taking an enormous shit, you pre-emptively stick your hand down in the toilet water and break up the gigantic turd BEFORE you flush, therefore avoiding an embarrasing overflow situation. Suffice to say, some prepartion is necessary. (If the situation around Uranus requires you to wipe immediately, just "stage" the used toilet paper (TP) on the edge of the bowl and flush them AFTER the crisis has resolved itself. Otherwise, wipe later. 1) Wad up a bunch of TP ahead of time, to be used to clean off your shit-stained finger tips after you've done the deed. 2) Pull your pants half-way up, just in case there is a flood. 3) DIVE!, DIVE!, DIVE! Stick that hand right down in there and start breaking that turd up. Don't be afraid to overdo it. 4) DON'T WIPE YOUR FINGERS OFF YET! Use your clean hand to flush, then quickly cross your fingers for good luck. 5) If all goes well, you've successfully dropped the Cosby Kids off at the pool. Congratulations! If it didn't work, skip Step 6 and proceed immediately to Step 7. 6) Use your pre-saved wad of TP to clean your fingers off, then drop the used TP in the bowl. Proceed to wipe your butt (or if you've pre-wiped, tap in the used TP) and drop the TP in the (now) nearly empty bowl. Whew! 7) If the poop break up did not work (or you were too pussy to do it!), quickly hobble out of the stall to the next stall and finish your paperwork there. Act innocent.
Example:
Ollie: Well, Stan, that was a delightful and quite filling meal. Now, if you'll just excuse me for a moment.

Stan: Don't forget about Pre-Emptive Deep-Sea Diving! (smiles sheepishly and scratches top of head).

Ollie: Indeed.


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