licence

When you give to the government (or other authority) what rightly belongs to you, then rent it back.



Fartistic Licence
The art of creatively reshaping the true facts concerning a past release of Carbon Dibaxide
Example:
"Mr Darcy, I find it most difficult to credit your assertion that Miss bennet was responsible for the beefy eggo that cleared the dance floor not five minutes ago.. For one thin, the miasma concerned was distinctly reminiscent of the casserole I observed you yourself consuming last night, whereas I have it on good authority that Miss Bennet is a vegetarian. If that was Fartistic Licence, Darcy, then it was dashed bad form."


Bishop's Licence
The Bishop's Licence is bestowed upon a gentleman when his wife is down the shops or otherwise engaged away from the house, and confers on him the right, nay, the duty to wank himself blind.
Example:
Bloke 1: You coming down the pub, Bruce?

Bloke 2: Nah Bruce, the missus's at her sister's, I've got the Bishop's Licence.


off licence
In Britain, a shop licenced to sell liquor for consumption off of the premises (as opposed to an On Licence, such as a pub, which is licenced to sell liquor for consumption on the premises).
Example:
I went down to the off licence to pick up some wine for tonight.


artistic licence
a distortion or complete ignorance of the facts; a lie

describes the freedoms artists (or writers, film makers, etc) take with the facts in the process of creating; disregarding facts for the sake of the art
Example:
When a book is made into a movie and parts are left out or changes are made -- the film makers are using artistic licence

The movie Titanic - the sinking of the Titanic is a real event in history but the characters in the movie are fictional. The writer took a real event and used artistic licence to create a story.


Tv Licence.
Tv Licensing is an outdated tax,collected by law and bullying from the BBC.The BBC love the tax, because it means they can write large cheques for their employees.The Licence tax is collected by a company called Capita.They employ guys who find it hard to get a job anywhere else.Capita employees have no rights when they visit your house,so you can just slam the door in their face.The current tax is £131.50,but you will find that a lot of people don't pay this,despite the threatening letters and wasted visits.
Example:
A Tv Licence is required if you recieve live broadcasts from within the UK.
This is hard to prove.
What electrical appliances you have in your home,is for you to know,and everybody else to guess. If you live to 75,you will then get a free Tv Licence. (if you live that long).


Licence to Pillage
1)
A licence presented by kings and queens allowing Pirates to legally and for a salary, plunder other countries navies and opposing pirates or privateers. Essentially its the document permitting and defining one as a privateer.

or
2)
The debut album of the greatest Pirate band ever in the history and future, Wheels of Poseidon.
Example:
Sir Francis Drake was given a Licence to Pillage by Queen Elizabeth I of England allowing him to plunder the Spanish navy.

Little Jimmy got a Licence to Pillage in his Christmas stocking one year and was really happy because he really liked pirates.


HGV licence
Earning your HGV licence when you take a big girl home for a game of hide the snake.
Example:
Alex took that big girl home and got his HGV licence last night. I hope she didn't eat him after!


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