slayers

She who hangs out a lot in cemeteries.



Slayer
The masters of metal. The baddest riffs (warning: Wimps may damage their wrist trying to play their music), the fastest drumbeat, the meanest voice and the most EVIL lyrics...
Example:
Typical Slayer lyrics: "The Gates of Hell are waiting can't you see, there's no other way just follow me
I can take your lost soul from the grave
Jesus knows your soul cannot be saved"


Slayering
A sport played entirely inside of a moving car. The front passenger's sole duty is to think of the must over the top metal band/word/singer/ect to SCREAM at pedestrians, creating a scare. Points and responses can be tallied. Be mindful of pigs when doing this. Also, for the driver, ensure you're not approaching a red light.
Game On Kids.
Example:
*Spots a man on the street*
MUTHER FUCKING SLAYER!!!


Slayer
Example:
Q: What time is it?
A: SLAYER!!!!!

Q: Where should I put this?
A: SLAYER!!!!!

Q: Why did you do that?
A: SLAYER!!!!!

Q: How did you do that?
A: SLAYER!!!!!

Q: How long is this gonna take?
A: SLAYER!!!!!

Q: When are you coming home?
A: SLAYER!!!!!

Q: Who did you vote for?
A: SLAYER!!!!!

Q: What's your name?
A: SLAYER!!!!!

Q: What's the square root of 5184?
A: SLAYER!!!!!

Q: Where are you going?
A: SLAYER!!!!!

Q: Hey what's up?
A: SLAYER!!!!!

Q: How are you doing?
A: SLAYER!!!!!

etc.


Slayer
Slayer (pronounced: SSSLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEERRRRRRGGGGGHHHHYHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH) is a metal band that the words "Awesome, Fuck Yeah, and FUCKIN METAL" can't describe. The only words that can possibly describe Slayer are "The GODS THAT FUCKIN SMASH THEIR HEADS AGAINST A WALL UNTIL IT IS PAINED BLOOD AND THEN STARTS SCREAMIN' FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!

Anyone not worthy of "The Metal" will listen to slayer and their face will melt, their head will explode and leave a blooied corpse, only for the bloodied corpse to explode and leave nothing, wiping out their very existence from the universe. Chuck Norris himself listened to Slayer and has now locked himself in his mom's closet, crying.
Example:
Me: What the fuck are you listening to?

Girl: I'm listening to Justin Bieber! Isn't he cute?

Me: No. Listen to Metallica.

Girl: (types Metallica into the Youtube search engine) Eh, not really my style. Oh wait, it says i might like slayer

Me: I wouldn't do that if i were you,.....

Girl: (clicks slayer)
(slayer begins to play Angel of Death, girl's head explodes and the remains explode as well, leaving not even a speck of blood. )

Me: oh, she should have listened to me.....\m/ SLAYER!!!!! (listens to the rest of song)


Slayer
The darkest, heaviest, most brutal fucking thrash band to have ever struck the face of God's green earth with pure bruality. Capable of pounding out the most coolest, creepiest and most Satanic lyrics that don't actually oversaturate their image to a point of being laughable (see Deicide). Founded by Kerry King and Jeff Hanneman back in the early 80s, their influence upon the thrash movement is undisputed, with albums like "Reign in Blood" and "Seasons in the Abyss" ranking as the most influential and famous thrash albums in record history.

As far as this author's concerned, Metallica don't fucking deserve to be considered the backbone of thrash. Metallica sold out and changed, but Slayer never did. They didn't compromise their sound for fucking anybody, and to this date, they've remained sheer volume and pumelling riffs that totally kick the shit out of all but the heaviest of Death metal.

To date, their most recent album is "Christ Illusion"; another brutal masterpiece that illustrates how well they've stuck to their roots. "Catatonia" has a guitar solo that's to die for. Quite literally if you're ears are too weak to handle the overpowering bad-ass-itude of Slayer's music (and no, that wasn't a real word, so don't bother looking it up on UD).
Example:
Metalhead #1: "I went to a Slayer concert the other week."
Metalhead #2: "Shit man, you survive?"
Metalhead #1: "I lost three fingers in a mosh pit, sustained cranial brain damage from being kicked against the floor... loved every fucking minute of it."
Metalhead #2: "Hell yeah. You catch a guitar pick?"
Metalhead #1: "Yep, I'll strum with it after I get feeling back in my fingers."


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