the analyst

Somebody who doesn't know anything



Analyst
Prounounced ANALyst

A special in all fields Anal. Anal Sex Rimming etc!!
Example:
Tom:- Did you do anything good with that bitch you bedded last night?

Paul:- HELL Yeah. I was muffing her out and she gave me such quality rimjob. Man She is an Analyst!!


sports analyst
Anybody who gets paid a hefty sum to sit on their ass in front of a camera and give their "analyzation" of whatever sport under scrutiny. The analyzation usually consists of their own damn opinion. Most sports analysts in todays age consists of an old player of a particular sport because they either 1) need the money, 2) miss seeing their damn face on the tv screen, or 3) miss getting hot pussy with no effort.
Example:
Every mindless fuck could be a sports analyst in today's world.


nasal analyst
An individual who uses their nose as a multifunctional device. They recognise people or objects by smelling them. They also use their noses to breathe. They can even read text with their nostrils.
Example:
I saw this Nasal analyst in the carpet shop, he was sniffing the fabric guide. He actually bought a carpet with his nose!


portfolio analyst
Someone who speaks a lot, only reads headlines and who isn't allowed to read reports beyond the first page. It also helps to be extra dramatic when talking about stock price movements. Portfolio analysts also tend to be obsessed with oil prices early in the morning
Example:
I don't know anything about this company but it looks like a short, just my portfolio analyst view.


vibration analyst
A professional that studies the vibrations of machines and equipment, for the purpose of predicting which parts that may be wearing out. The ‘art’ of analyzing the vibration data is that of which a very select few can do. The analyst in most cases are extremely good looking, have a bum chin, and are great lovers.
Example:
The way Steve analyses those vibrations you can just tell he’s a great lover!

That Vibration Analyst is no 5-9!


Application Support Analyst
This is an individual that will deal primarily with anything the client is too lazy to figure out on their own. He will attempt to find out, through testing and research (RTFM), if the clients issue is a bug. Most common cause is lazy, under trained clients that process transactions incorrectly and don’t know why they are incorrect. He will also be called on to participate in client calls that the CSM’s can’t handle on their own, QA work, training, implementation, writing knowledge base articles, writing up bugs and anything else that the rest of the company does not want to do. These individuals can be found in the break room during a 3 hr lunch; watching “Rock of Love”, playing Wii and getting a massage. If they are “working” at their desks; listen for individuals screaming “not it” when client calls come in. They are also known to be utterly useless on Fridays; commonly smelling of hops and barely. If you encounter one of these individuals make sure to not make eye contact, ask for any help or seem happy for any reason; as they have been known to completely destroy other people via IM
Example:
Client: Hi, I am having a problem with my software can you help?
Application Support Analyst: Are you a client? If so, enter a ticket and I will get to it when you are considered a high priority client.
Client: How do I do that?
Application Support Analyst: Your manager has to call and bitch more to my manager.


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