A few of my gringo friends ask me the meaning of Cinco de Mayo every year so I thought I would give the full unabridged and comprehensive answer here.

It all started on a cool April morning in 1843 in Mexico. It was the middle of the Mexican war of independence against their Mayan overlords. General Chimichanga was leading an offensive for the Mexican army and was marching north to meet the Mayans at Fajita Hill. He knew he would be out-numbered so he sent his mariachi band to contact the Burrito Boys in Tijuana to request their assistance in battle. He was not sure if they would agree or even arrive in time for the battle (they were located 23.5 miles away). When General Chimichanga arrived at Fajita Hill on May 5 he was amazed to find the Burrito Boys and their leader Commander Nacho Cheese got there first and decimated the Mayans on there own with less than 20 men. The Mayans fled north to Alamo, Texas effectively ending the Mexican war for independence.

Something white people love more than the Mexicans.

A beer-fest that occurs on May 5 of the year, with lots of tequila and margaritas.

This started out as a tragedy in the late eighteenth century. It is a well known fact that mexicans love mayonnaise. A large steam tanker of this condiment was crossing the gulf of mexico from florida when a large storm occured, sinking the tanker. The horrified mexicans witnessed this and named the day of the sinking, May 5, a national holiday of drowning their worries with corona.

Contrary to a surprising public belief, Cindo de Mayo is not a holiday of independance. It celebrates the battle of Puebla(1862), when 2000 Mexican soldiers beat back 6000 French attackers under the rule of Napolean III. This is also the day that Napolean died. So far as I understand it, the holiday is celebrated much more in the US than in Mexico. We can thank the Corona beer company and college students for this.

Cinco means five and de Mayo stands for "better take a cab home gringo" because 5 times the cervesa means 10 times the hangover bro.

how messed up is it that cinco de mayo 2020 falls on taco tuesday and we are stuck at home because of a virus named after a mexican beer

When a whole bunch of white college kids get together and have a kegger for reasons unbeknownst to them. These parties usually occur in the whitest of whitebread neighborhoods, and shirk far, far, farrrr away from what the people of Mexico actually celebrate.

If you don't know what cinco de mayo is, it's a celebration of Mexico's 1862 victory in battle over France, although France, who previously had not won a war since 1066, later won the war against Mexico. However, since the Mexicans beat the French for this one battle, Mexicans took their cue from the Irish (who don't actually celebrate St. Patrick's Day, from what I can tell). The Mexicans said, "Okay, hey, let's do a pub crawl!!!!!' Except they said it in Spanish. Which makes me wonder why Mexicans would do a pub crawl, seeing as how Mexico doesn't seem to have a lot of pubs, seeing as how it's Mexico and not Ireland. But never mind that now. You should also never mind the fact that cinco de mayo is more widely celebrated here in the States than it is in Mexico.