faeces
A lump of steaming shit.
faeces
1: It's like feces, but British.
2: Quite simply put, a turd or log. Or for you more uncouth chaps - shit.
2: Quite simply put, a turd or log. Or for you more uncouth chaps - shit.
Example:
Brit 1: "I say lad, what's that steaming pile of brown stuff?"
Brit 2: "Why that's faeces kind sir. Pass my crumpet and tea."
Brit 3: "Good show!"
Brit 1: "I say lad, what's that steaming pile of brown stuff?"
Brit 2: "Why that's faeces kind sir. Pass my crumpet and tea."
Brit 3: "Good show!"
Faeces
Example:
Science teacher: "...and at the end of the digestive system, waste products are excreted in the form of faeces."
Class clown translates: "SHITTY POO COME OUT OF BUM."
Science teacher: "...and at the end of the digestive system, waste products are excreted in the form of faeces."
Class clown translates: "SHITTY POO COME OUT OF BUM."
Faeces
faece
Faec
faec
Pronounced feece.
An abbreviation of the word faeces (meaning shit or poo etc).
A different way to say it.
An abbreviation of the word faeces (meaning shit or poo etc).
A different way to say it.
Example:
No way Ben, I ain't going to see that film, it's faec!
I'd rather faec all over the floor and roll around in it.
No way Ben, I ain't going to see that film, it's faec!
I'd rather faec all over the floor and roll around in it.
Festive Faeces
The art and science of defecating on another's doorstep on Christmas Day. Several sources credit the first use of the word to the urban legend Leeds Dr Rudeboy.
Effective management of such an undertaking involves a four-fold course of action, namely;
1. Visiting the local drinking establishment, followed by local nightclub, on Christmas Eve and early hours of Christmas Day. At some point during the evening, it would be rude to not visit Wetherspoons. Consumption of copious amounts of alcohol then proceeds throughout the evening.
2. Reconnaissance of a likely target whilst walking home, namely, houses in locations where the local cuntstabulary are unlikely to be driving past.
3. The said act of elimination onto the doorstep. Should the perpetrator be a Scouser*, then breaking and entering is, of course, the next natural course of action for the erstwhile Liverpudlian.
4. Wiping one rusty ringpiece with the fresh snow. Caution is advised for those presenting with haemorrhoids.
*The erstwhile Scouser may wish to declare any profits from the said breaking and entering on the next occasion he/she signs on within the following fortnight at the local Jobcentre Plus.
Effective management of such an undertaking involves a four-fold course of action, namely;
1. Visiting the local drinking establishment, followed by local nightclub, on Christmas Eve and early hours of Christmas Day. At some point during the evening, it would be rude to not visit Wetherspoons. Consumption of copious amounts of alcohol then proceeds throughout the evening.
2. Reconnaissance of a likely target whilst walking home, namely, houses in locations where the local cuntstabulary are unlikely to be driving past.
3. The said act of elimination onto the doorstep. Should the perpetrator be a Scouser*, then breaking and entering is, of course, the next natural course of action for the erstwhile Liverpudlian.
4. Wiping one rusty ringpiece with the fresh snow. Caution is advised for those presenting with haemorrhoids.
*The erstwhile Scouser may wish to declare any profits from the said breaking and entering on the next occasion he/she signs on within the following fortnight at the local Jobcentre Plus.
Example:
1st person: Well, that fine selection of of Cliff Richard records certainly has put me in the mood for the Queen's Speech tomorrow! Shall we retire early and let St Nicholas pay his visit?
Rudeboy: What whoa! Ya dumbclaat! I and I is gonna do a festive faeces on dem doorsteps!
1st person: Well, that fine selection of of Cliff Richard records certainly has put me in the mood for the Queen's Speech tomorrow! Shall we retire early and let St Nicholas pay his visit?
Rudeboy: What whoa! Ya dumbclaat! I and I is gonna do a festive faeces on dem doorsteps!
Phantom Faeces
When you have a methane experience that is so moist you are actually convinced some faeces came with it
Example:
tom: think i might have just shat myself, i need to go clean myself up
dave: nah dont bother, probably just a phantom faeces
tom: think i might have just shat myself, i need to go clean myself up
dave: nah dont bother, probably just a phantom faeces