instructables
a website where people post plans and/or instructions for projects. Topics include transportation, photography, art, pets, technology, explosives, and more
instruct
generally used when associating the beating of someone's ass to the ground one is standing upon (i.e. pavement, gravel, grass, etc.)instructions
Those words your wife keeps screaming at you while you try to figure out why your table only has 3 legs after you finished it.
Instruction
instructive
describing a novel, e.g. The Giving Tree, from which an extroverted inebriate in tenleytown may or may not have received some knowledge or life lesson, upon reading, once.
however, to said inebriate, definition unknown.
however, to said inebriate, definition unknown.
Example:
"i read a novel once."
"was it INSTRUCTIVE?"
"i don't know what that means."
"oh, i'm very sorry. did you learn anything?"
"i read a novel once."
"was it INSTRUCTIVE?"
"i don't know what that means."
"oh, i'm very sorry. did you learn anything?"
instructions unclear
Used whenever someone gives blatantly awful instructions and leaves the person trying to learn worse off than where he/she was originally.
Example:
"To set up the demodulator 9000, hook up the synthescope sync clock to the upper radial bearing of the elliptical upper casing ..."
"Instructions unclear: dick stuck in toaster."
"To set up the demodulator 9000, hook up the synthescope sync clock to the upper radial bearing of the elliptical upper casing ..."
"Instructions unclear: dick stuck in toaster."
instructions unclear
A phrase said when either the instructions were vague or not understood. Usually followed by getting one's genitals stuck in household appliances.
Example:
Instructions: To get your witchmax-2000 broomstick up and running you must sacrifice 1 virgin(whose first name must start with an 'X') on an altar which has the shape of the map of Argentina while reading the bible backwards in an Australian accent while writing the solution of three complex differential equations on the altar with a black bpelikan/b marker.
Once complete, proceed with soaking the bat feathers in the virgin blood and your good to go.
User: Instructions unclear, got dick stuck in the toaster. Help..?
Instructions: To get your witchmax-2000 broomstick up and running you must sacrifice 1 virgin(whose first name must start with an 'X') on an altar which has the shape of the map of Argentina while reading the bible backwards in an Australian accent while writing the solution of three complex differential equations on the altar with a black bpelikan/b marker.
Once complete, proceed with soaking the bat feathers in the virgin blood and your good to go.
User: Instructions unclear, got dick stuck in the toaster. Help..?
basic instruction
a jigger of well bourbon, split on the counter, wiped up with a rag, wrung out over a handful of ice from the salad bowl
instruction manual
A short publication that would have saved you a lot of time if you bothered to read it. However, reading an instruction manual before attempting to assemble/use the product with which it came is a sure sign of mental and physical weakness.
Manuals come free with purchases of self-assembly furniture, electronic products, children’s toys and many, many other products.
Some of these products are so simple to use, (eg. A padlock) that a 55 page, multi-lingual, fully referenced brochure doesn’t really seem necessary
When writing an instruction manual, follow these simple rules and you can’t fail;
1. Make the pages from stiff, shiny paper so that it’ll only stay open at the right page with the help of a rock, a toolbox and a dining room table positioned on each corner.
2. Make an extensive ‘Contents Page’ using the smallest font available and ensuring that you number the chapters, sections and sub-sections. Do this even if you only have 3 pages.
3. If applicable, include an illustration of the parts the buyer SHOULD have received and make sure this includes a picture of the manual itself.
4. When you reach the English chapter, don’t be tempted to waste money on a translator, as you can simply guess most English words and make up the rest as you go along.
5. Be sure to include diagrammatical information where appropriate – get a four year old child to help you with the drawings.
6. Make the manual's cover attractive to women so that they can sit on their comfy sofas and shout directions at their husband/boyfriend when they are doing perfectly well with superior male intuition (and brute force)
Manuals come free with purchases of self-assembly furniture, electronic products, children’s toys and many, many other products.
Some of these products are so simple to use, (eg. A padlock) that a 55 page, multi-lingual, fully referenced brochure doesn’t really seem necessary
When writing an instruction manual, follow these simple rules and you can’t fail;
1. Make the pages from stiff, shiny paper so that it’ll only stay open at the right page with the help of a rock, a toolbox and a dining room table positioned on each corner.
2. Make an extensive ‘Contents Page’ using the smallest font available and ensuring that you number the chapters, sections and sub-sections. Do this even if you only have 3 pages.
3. If applicable, include an illustration of the parts the buyer SHOULD have received and make sure this includes a picture of the manual itself.
4. When you reach the English chapter, don’t be tempted to waste money on a translator, as you can simply guess most English words and make up the rest as you go along.
5. Be sure to include diagrammatical information where appropriate – get a four year old child to help you with the drawings.
6. Make the manual's cover attractive to women so that they can sit on their comfy sofas and shout directions at their husband/boyfriend when they are doing perfectly well with superior male intuition (and brute force)
Example:
The instruction manual was written in total gibberish.
The instruction manual's glossary section was extremely useful.
Jack: Would you like to learn how your phone works in Arabic?
Jill: Oh Yes Please!
Jack: Here you are, it starts on page 205.
The instruction manual was written in total gibberish.
The instruction manual's glossary section was extremely useful.
Jack: Would you like to learn how your phone works in Arabic?
Jill: Oh Yes Please!
Jack: Here you are, it starts on page 205.
Work Instruction
A riduculous document which is far too detailed and tricky to write, permanantly needs updating and then once ratified it disspears into a black hole never to be used by anyone.