A person who, after at least three years of intense, post-graduate studies, must pass a very difficult proficiency exam (the bar exam) in most states in order to do someting as simple as defend a person against a DWI charge. Of course, this moron that is charged with the DWI is probably the same person who wrote the definition of attorney as "assmonkey," because this human stain has no idea (and only subscribes to juvenile/comedic groupthink) what most attorneys go through to be zealous advocates of their clients.

Naturally, there are bad attorneys, just as all priests don't molest little boys. There are mechanisms in place to ensure that even attorneys accused of misconduct are given the same fair tribunal that everyone else is entitled to before being suspended or disbarred.

Attorneys are some of the most powerful people in the nation: they can defend citizens to prevent them losing their property, liberty, and even their very lives. Some of the more prominent attorneys in the United States were its founding fathers. Others fought for the emancipation of slaves, voting rights for women and minorities, desegregation of public schools and facilities, and the very freedom to call them assmonkeys. Before opening your ignorant mouth in the future and engaging in a "lawyer joke," consider where the nation would be without them. For better or worse, we would not be a civilized society without them.

This definition applies primarily to United States attorneys, and not so much to my learned brethren across the pond, namely barristers and solicitors.

A legislator-in-training who hopes to grow up to be a real politician some day. See job security.

Someone who encourages another person (usually, a friend) to pursue illegal, socially unacceptable, and/or dangerous activities. The encouraged activity will usually result in damage or suffering to the encouraged party, eliciting good times and hilarity for the attorney and other spectators.

This use originated in the Hunter Thompson book "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" which was later adapted into a film by Terry Gilliam.

A person that never creates wealth. An attorney waits for some other entity to do something, make something,or have something so that they may attempt to pry some of that wealth away from the entity which actually did domething useful.

Often confused with a duece.

Typical habitat is a golf course.

An assmonkey with a college degree.

1. Incorporates August 30, 2007 definition of the word Cocksucker.
2. Applies to attorneys who take one position on a legal matter.
3. However, in court, they actively exploit the legal matter to their benefit, to the detriment of others.
4. Typically used in situations related to poor ethics where the attorney puts their own personal interest ahead of their client or the courts.

A courtroom/crime drama series by Capcom which started in Japan in 2001 as a GameBoy Advance game called Gyakuten Saiban. More commonly identified by its rather popular titular character, Phoenix Wright. You basically have to investigate every crime, with some interesting/annoying characters along the way then battle it out in the courtroom with prosecutors who are German or arrogant as f***. Also, 3 of the games have the assistants underage for no goddamn reason. Has currently 5 games released in the US, 7 in Japan (not including one spinoff) and one announced for both regions. Has a crapton of Mangas and Artbooks. Also has quite the supply of rabid fangirls who are guaranteed to ship every two characters in the series together. ALL OF THEM. Their fans are dedicated to the series, to the point that when the main character changed for once most of them were so angry Phoenix Wright had to get back. Also, has many ask roleplay blogs on Tumblr.

Titular Characters: Phoenix Wright, Apollo Justice, Miles Edgeworth

The most valuable piece of evidence for a spiky haired lawyer in a blue suit.

Random kids on the internet who think they're attorneys without knowing what the hell it is. They think they're lawyers, when in reality they don't know jack, and their moms just told the they're good at arguing and that they should become a lawyer.